I'm sure you've heard some older married couple talk about how their husband or wife is such a gift from God. And I believe that's true (though admittedly, it makes me a little jealous).
I think the more accurate title of this post would be A Spouse is Not a
Reward. But that wouldn't get your attention as much would it?
When I was a teenager, I didn't date. Not until my freshman year of college.
It wasn't for lack of trying. In 6th grade, I asked David to "go out" with me, and when he said "no", I asked Wes to go out with me the same day. Of course _I_ didn't ask them out but I had a friend ask them out or passed them a note or something. Wes's response was that we could be friends, sort of. Aha! Not a no! "More than friends or less then friends?" I asked. He replied less than friends. Well don't think that stopped me from getting him a drawing pad and some other special gifts for Valentine's Day (one of my love languages has always been gift giving). The bonus? Years later, his memory was that we HAD dated. That boy could play piano AND draw. I wonder what he's up to now?
In high school I went to the same Christian retreat that I know a lot of you from, and my desire for a boyfriend didn't lesson. My mom had ingrained in me that I was too young to date, and my parents had separated shortly before I turned 14, but i just wanted someone to slow dance with. Someone's hand to hold.
I had my crushes in middle school and high school. Just the name of one still sets my heart a flutter. :-)
And I was meeting boys at this Christian retreat. Good Christian boys who would make good husbands. And dang it! I would make a good wife! I was strong in my faith, caring, had love to spare, and was a good Christian girl.
I came to believe a lie. I believed that God was preparing me for my perfect mate and that meanwhile He was preparing him for me. I started writing letters to my future husband and even drew him a picture (I told myself I wouldn't look at that picture again until I gave it to my husband on our honeymoon night. And I haven't. They're all in a box in storage somewhere. Just a few notes. Nothing too extravagant). I started praying for my husband, wondering what he was doing at right that moment.
But here's the thing. If I have to wait until God has made me "holy" enough for a Christian marriage, then I've been waiting almost 20 years now. Am I really THAT hard to mold into a good enough wife?
Not only that, but believing that I wasn't good enough to get married yet subconsciously wreaked havoc on my self esteem. I believed for almost 15 years that all these girls around me who were getting married had reached some "next level" of holiness, and basically a husband was God's bonus prize.
It is freeing to know that I just haven't met the one yet. Maybe God has a lot of work to do on him ;-). And dang it, I believe there's a need for single Christian women, too. If I were married, my entire life would be different. The world needs single women to dog sit and nanny and mentor teenagers and be transparent and honest. Right?
Monday, February 27, 2017
Wednesday, February 22, 2017
Will you know my name if I see you in heaven?
Disclaimer- these thoughts are my own and not necessarily those of any organization I'm involved with.
For you young folks, the title of this post is lyrics from an old song. Tonight I started thinking about Heaven. And I'm gonna be honest with you because God already knows how I feel, I don't really understand it.
And forget that eternity is for. Ev. Er. That thought just freaks me out. But like, say by God's grace I get to go there. What will I DO? Is it really singing praises to God all day? I love God, but I don't connect best with Him through worship music. Won't I get bored? (God forgive me!)
Will I be able to like watch my life over and over again as many times as I want to? Is that selfish? There's so much I don't remember. Can I watch what's going on on earth? Does my desire to do anything outside of worship God while I'm there mean I'm not ready for Heaven?
I need to reread C.S. Lewis's book, The Great Divorce. It's a great book about the afterlife.
All I'm left with, all I'm ever left with at the end of these great, spiraling thoughts is that I have to trust God. I remember one summer, when I was home from college, lying in my bed and really getting worked up by thoughts like these. And the conclusion I came to is that I trust God every day to keep the universe from spiraling out of control-to keep the earth on its axis. So if God made it all, and keeps it all running and made it and said it's "good", then surely I can trust Him with eternity, right? Lord, make me desire Heaven!
God's got it all planned for our good and beyond the best we can imagine. And maybe when I get there, my old sinful self will disappear and my only desire will be for exactly what's there. God's got this one.
For you young folks, the title of this post is lyrics from an old song. Tonight I started thinking about Heaven. And I'm gonna be honest with you because God already knows how I feel, I don't really understand it.
And forget that eternity is for. Ev. Er. That thought just freaks me out. But like, say by God's grace I get to go there. What will I DO? Is it really singing praises to God all day? I love God, but I don't connect best with Him through worship music. Won't I get bored? (God forgive me!)
Will I be able to like watch my life over and over again as many times as I want to? Is that selfish? There's so much I don't remember. Can I watch what's going on on earth? Does my desire to do anything outside of worship God while I'm there mean I'm not ready for Heaven?
I need to reread C.S. Lewis's book, The Great Divorce. It's a great book about the afterlife.
All I'm left with, all I'm ever left with at the end of these great, spiraling thoughts is that I have to trust God. I remember one summer, when I was home from college, lying in my bed and really getting worked up by thoughts like these. And the conclusion I came to is that I trust God every day to keep the universe from spiraling out of control-to keep the earth on its axis. So if God made it all, and keeps it all running and made it and said it's "good", then surely I can trust Him with eternity, right? Lord, make me desire Heaven!
God's got it all planned for our good and beyond the best we can imagine. And maybe when I get there, my old sinful self will disappear and my only desire will be for exactly what's there. God's got this one.
Monday, February 20, 2017
Wait for it...
Hey guys! I've got a great question to start off my "ask me anything" portion of my blog. It's an anonymous question and comes from a young friend of mine-
"What are some good reasons (besides the Bible says not to lol) to wait until marriage?"
I'm assuming my friend is asking about sex here and not anything else you might have to wait until marriage for. A joint bank account? A mortgage? No, you don't have to wait until marriage for that... If I have to wait until marriage for much, then I'm in real trouble, because that seems like it's a long time away.
Anyway, I'm glad that this friend is asking about sex, because that's one of my favorite topics. Actually abstinence is one of my favorite topics but it doesn't get your attention like sex, does it?
I guess to start my answer, you should know that I am one of the last living, breathing, 36 year old virgins on the planet. I know, I know. I'll be giving out autographs later ;-)
For me, sex before marriage was never an option, and not even because I was raised in a super Christian conservative home (I wasn't).
I guess it's by God's grace that it just never occurred to me that sex was something I should do as a teenager. I got serious about my faith right after I turned 16, so that ingrained in me pretty early on that I should wait, and I also was just born with a very strong sense of right and wrong, and it's legalistic brother, Fear of Doing Something Wrong (in the words of TV's OCD detective Monk, it's a blessing and a curse).
Well, I hate to admit it, but it's been 16 years now since I've even been a teenager. And still, no sex.
Why? Ok, we're about to get down and dirty here. Keep reading if you dare. You've been warned.
Besides the obvious that my friend pointed out, I think there are plenty of good reasons to wait.
1) Disease. Yep. STDs. I know there are condoms and maybe you're both virgins because Johnny looooooves you and he would never lie to you. And maybe you're right. But if you're not, do you really want to carry around an STD?
2) Pregnancy. Again. I know. Condoms and birth control and pulling out and what not (I told you this was going to get down and dirty). Nothing besides abstinence is 100% effective. (And I have a shirt with the Virgin Mary and baby Jesus on it that says abstinence itself is only 99.9% effective :-) )
3) ok. So those are the medical, maybe they could happen, maybe they won't situations. Let's talk emotions here. I know you're in love. I get it. But what if it doesn't work out? Your 17 or 19 or 25 or 36 and you can't imagine loving anyone more than you love him or her right. Now. But people change. When I was dating my ex (we'll call him Luke) we obviously abstained from sex. I had that awkward conversation with him early on (I think before our first kiss) that I was waiting until marriage. I think it was probably surprising to some people that we weren't having sex. We didn't date that long in the grand scheme of things, only about 8 months, but we had been talking for almost a year total and the break up was devastating to me. One of my family members told me that if we had had sex the heart break would have been so much worse. And let me tell you. I physically felt my heart hurt as the discussions we had had about sitting on a porch swing together in old age came crashing down around me. Is it Langston Hughes that asks what happens to a dream deferred? Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun? So I'd say reason number 3, and perhaps the biggest motivator for me of these is that with sex added in, heart ache is going to be that much more painful.
4) boys, gender stereotypes, etc. Imagine this. Finally after crushing on (are the kids still saying that?) Johnny finally sends you a text. You talk, he seems to like you and after awhile he asks for a pic 😉 You know what I mean. Well. You loooooove Johnny, right? And he said if you're his girlfriend that you'll send him a pic because otherwise he'll just date someone else who WILL send him a pic 😉 This part of the story actually happened to a friend of mine. Dating a guy, thought they were in love and he completely manipulated her into sending provocative pictures of herself.
First of all, no. No. No. No. No. Let me tell you first, run girl, run. Maybe another girl would send him those pics and good for them but the love of your life will not manipulate you into doing something you don't want to do. Also, not really good for them. Bad for them.
Here's why. Imagine he's not the love of your life. Also, what is Johnny doing with these pictures? Using them to get friendly with his little friend if you know what I mean. Do you really want to be some guy's object like that?
And say he's not the man of your dreams (spoiler alert. He's not if he's asking you for pics). So you break up because your older friend has talked some sense into you. Those pictures don't just go away. It's super easy for him to send them to friends who can then also "get friendly" with them. And then they can just be sent around all over school.
I still remember some things i heard about girls when I was in high school, before all this technology existed. It's horrible. I doubt these things are true, and even if they were, they were definitely none of my business, but when I see these girls on Facebook I still remember those things I heard
Sadly, it seems that when girls sleep around they're sluts, when guys sleep around they're MEN. But regardless, do you really want your pics, your stories, passed around and fabricated?
So to sum up my answer- TL;dr as the kids are saying-
Reasons to wait until marriage to have sex-
The Bible tells me so
Disease
Pregnancy
Heartbreak
Reputation
Until next time! This is your very own Olive Oil (extra virgin, that is) over and out!
"What are some good reasons (besides the Bible says not to lol) to wait until marriage?"
I'm assuming my friend is asking about sex here and not anything else you might have to wait until marriage for. A joint bank account? A mortgage? No, you don't have to wait until marriage for that... If I have to wait until marriage for much, then I'm in real trouble, because that seems like it's a long time away.
Anyway, I'm glad that this friend is asking about sex, because that's one of my favorite topics. Actually abstinence is one of my favorite topics but it doesn't get your attention like sex, does it?
I guess to start my answer, you should know that I am one of the last living, breathing, 36 year old virgins on the planet. I know, I know. I'll be giving out autographs later ;-)
For me, sex before marriage was never an option, and not even because I was raised in a super Christian conservative home (I wasn't).
I guess it's by God's grace that it just never occurred to me that sex was something I should do as a teenager. I got serious about my faith right after I turned 16, so that ingrained in me pretty early on that I should wait, and I also was just born with a very strong sense of right and wrong, and it's legalistic brother, Fear of Doing Something Wrong (in the words of TV's OCD detective Monk, it's a blessing and a curse).
Well, I hate to admit it, but it's been 16 years now since I've even been a teenager. And still, no sex.
Why? Ok, we're about to get down and dirty here. Keep reading if you dare. You've been warned.
Besides the obvious that my friend pointed out, I think there are plenty of good reasons to wait.
1) Disease. Yep. STDs. I know there are condoms and maybe you're both virgins because Johnny looooooves you and he would never lie to you. And maybe you're right. But if you're not, do you really want to carry around an STD?
2) Pregnancy. Again. I know. Condoms and birth control and pulling out and what not (I told you this was going to get down and dirty). Nothing besides abstinence is 100% effective. (And I have a shirt with the Virgin Mary and baby Jesus on it that says abstinence itself is only 99.9% effective :-) )
3) ok. So those are the medical, maybe they could happen, maybe they won't situations. Let's talk emotions here. I know you're in love. I get it. But what if it doesn't work out? Your 17 or 19 or 25 or 36 and you can't imagine loving anyone more than you love him or her right. Now. But people change. When I was dating my ex (we'll call him Luke) we obviously abstained from sex. I had that awkward conversation with him early on (I think before our first kiss) that I was waiting until marriage. I think it was probably surprising to some people that we weren't having sex. We didn't date that long in the grand scheme of things, only about 8 months, but we had been talking for almost a year total and the break up was devastating to me. One of my family members told me that if we had had sex the heart break would have been so much worse. And let me tell you. I physically felt my heart hurt as the discussions we had had about sitting on a porch swing together in old age came crashing down around me. Is it Langston Hughes that asks what happens to a dream deferred? Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun? So I'd say reason number 3, and perhaps the biggest motivator for me of these is that with sex added in, heart ache is going to be that much more painful.
4) boys, gender stereotypes, etc. Imagine this. Finally after crushing on (are the kids still saying that?) Johnny finally sends you a text. You talk, he seems to like you and after awhile he asks for a pic 😉 You know what I mean. Well. You loooooove Johnny, right? And he said if you're his girlfriend that you'll send him a pic because otherwise he'll just date someone else who WILL send him a pic 😉 This part of the story actually happened to a friend of mine. Dating a guy, thought they were in love and he completely manipulated her into sending provocative pictures of herself.
First of all, no. No. No. No. No. Let me tell you first, run girl, run. Maybe another girl would send him those pics and good for them but the love of your life will not manipulate you into doing something you don't want to do. Also, not really good for them. Bad for them.
Here's why. Imagine he's not the love of your life. Also, what is Johnny doing with these pictures? Using them to get friendly with his little friend if you know what I mean. Do you really want to be some guy's object like that?
And say he's not the man of your dreams (spoiler alert. He's not if he's asking you for pics). So you break up because your older friend has talked some sense into you. Those pictures don't just go away. It's super easy for him to send them to friends who can then also "get friendly" with them. And then they can just be sent around all over school.
I still remember some things i heard about girls when I was in high school, before all this technology existed. It's horrible. I doubt these things are true, and even if they were, they were definitely none of my business, but when I see these girls on Facebook I still remember those things I heard
Sadly, it seems that when girls sleep around they're sluts, when guys sleep around they're MEN. But regardless, do you really want your pics, your stories, passed around and fabricated?
So to sum up my answer- TL;dr as the kids are saying-
Reasons to wait until marriage to have sex-
The Bible tells me so
Disease
Pregnancy
Heartbreak
Reputation
Until next time! This is your very own Olive Oil (extra virgin, that is) over and out!
Saturday, February 18, 2017
So! I've started a blog.
I'm going to be honest, here. I've got bronchitis and I may have taken some (doctor prescribed!) cough medicine with codeine earlier. So I may wake up in the morning to discover that this was all an hallucination or that I'm somehow typing in a foreign language that I've never learned.
That being said, here it is, and here I am.
If you're a teenager and a Christian, or even a teenager and someone who wants to be a Christian. Or even just a person who likes to read ramblings, then have I got a blog for you!
In the last couple of years, I've discovered a new passion in my life, and that is, well, it's you! I think I'm selfishly reliving my teenage years by fostering friendships with cool youth who I would never have been cool enough to befriend in high school, but because I'm old now and you know, not your parents, I'm now popular. It's amazing. Really.
God has placed you on my heart and I receive as much joy and purpose from my friendships with you as I hope that you receive from my friendship. One day, I will go back to school and get a masters degree in clinical counseling so that I can get paid to hang out with and mentor cool kids like you. For now, here I am. :-)
I may tell stories here of my life, dumb things I've done or hard lessons I've learned. I may share (anonymous) experiences I've had with you. I will definitely be happy to answer any questions you have.
Please shares with your friends who may enjoy the ramblings of an adult who refuses to grow up. :-)
I'm going to be honest, here. I've got bronchitis and I may have taken some (doctor prescribed!) cough medicine with codeine earlier. So I may wake up in the morning to discover that this was all an hallucination or that I'm somehow typing in a foreign language that I've never learned.
That being said, here it is, and here I am.
If you're a teenager and a Christian, or even a teenager and someone who wants to be a Christian. Or even just a person who likes to read ramblings, then have I got a blog for you!
In the last couple of years, I've discovered a new passion in my life, and that is, well, it's you! I think I'm selfishly reliving my teenage years by fostering friendships with cool youth who I would never have been cool enough to befriend in high school, but because I'm old now and you know, not your parents, I'm now popular. It's amazing. Really.
God has placed you on my heart and I receive as much joy and purpose from my friendships with you as I hope that you receive from my friendship. One day, I will go back to school and get a masters degree in clinical counseling so that I can get paid to hang out with and mentor cool kids like you. For now, here I am. :-)
I may tell stories here of my life, dumb things I've done or hard lessons I've learned. I may share (anonymous) experiences I've had with you. I will definitely be happy to answer any questions you have.
Please shares with your friends who may enjoy the ramblings of an adult who refuses to grow up. :-)
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