A Spouse is NOT a Gift

I'm sure you've heard some older married couple talk about how their husband or wife is such a gift from God. And I believe that's true (though admittedly, it makes me a little jealous).

I think the more accurate title of this post would be A Spouse is Not a
Reward. But that wouldn't get your attention as much would it?

When I was a teenager, I didn't date. Not until my freshman year of college.

It wasn't for lack of trying. In 6th grade, I asked David to "go out" with me, and when he said "no", I asked Wes to go out with me the same day. Of course _I_ didn't ask them out but I had a friend ask them out or passed them a note or something. Wes's response was that we could be friends, sort of. Aha!  Not a no! "More than friends or less then friends?" I asked. He replied less than friends. Well don't think that stopped me from getting him a drawing pad and some other special gifts for Valentine's Day (one of my love languages has always been gift giving). The bonus?  Years later, his memory was that we HAD dated. That boy could play piano AND draw. I wonder what he's up to now?

In high school I went to the same Christian retreat that I know a lot of you from, and my desire for a boyfriend didn't lesson. My mom had ingrained in me that I was too young to date, and my parents had separated shortly before I turned 14, but i just wanted someone to slow dance with. Someone's hand to hold.

I had my crushes in middle school and high school. Just the name of one still sets my heart a flutter. :-)

And I was meeting boys at this Christian retreat. Good Christian boys who would make good husbands. And dang it! I would make a good wife!  I was strong in my faith, caring, had love to spare, and was a good Christian girl.

I came to believe a lie. I believed that God was preparing me for my perfect mate and that meanwhile He was preparing him for me. I started writing letters to my future husband and even drew him a picture (I told myself I wouldn't look at that picture again until I gave it to my husband on our honeymoon night. And I haven't. They're all in a box in storage somewhere. Just a few notes. Nothing too extravagant). I started praying for my husband, wondering what he was doing at right that moment.

But here's the thing. If I have to wait until God has made me "holy" enough for a Christian marriage, then I've been waiting almost 20 years now. Am I really THAT hard to mold into a good enough wife?

Not only that, but believing that I wasn't good enough to get married yet subconsciously wreaked havoc on my self esteem. I believed for almost 15 years that all these girls around me who were getting married had reached some "next level" of holiness, and basically a husband was God's bonus prize.

It is freeing to know that I just haven't met the one yet. Maybe God has a lot of work to do on him ;-). And dang it, I believe there's a need for single Christian women, too. If I were married, my entire life would be different. The world needs single women to dog sit and nanny and mentor teenagers and be transparent and honest. Right?