Wait for it...

Hey guys!  I've got a great question to start off my "ask me anything" portion of my blog. It's an anonymous question and comes from a young friend of mine-

"What are some good reasons (besides the Bible says not to lol) to wait until marriage?"

I'm assuming my friend is asking about sex here and not anything else you might have to wait until marriage for. A joint bank account? A mortgage?  No, you don't have to wait until marriage for that... If I have to wait until marriage for much, then I'm in real trouble, because that seems like it's a long time away.

Anyway, I'm glad that this friend is asking about sex, because that's one of my favorite topics. Actually abstinence is one of my favorite topics but it doesn't get your attention like sex, does it?

I guess to start my answer, you should know that I am one of the last living, breathing, 36 year old virgins on the planet. I know, I know. I'll be giving out autographs later ;-)

For me, sex before marriage was never an option, and not even because I was raised in a super Christian conservative home (I wasn't).

I guess it's by God's grace that it just never occurred to me that sex was something I should do as a teenager. I got serious about my faith right after I turned 16, so that ingrained in me pretty early on that I should wait, and I also was just born with a very strong sense of right and wrong, and it's legalistic brother, Fear of Doing Something Wrong (in the words of TV's OCD detective Monk, it's a blessing and a curse).

Well, I hate to admit it, but it's been 16 years now since I've even been a teenager. And still, no sex.

Why?  Ok, we're about to get down and dirty here. Keep reading if you dare. You've been warned.

Besides the obvious that my friend pointed out, I think there are plenty of good reasons to wait.

1) Disease. Yep. STDs. I know there are condoms and maybe you're both virgins because Johnny looooooves you and he would never lie to you. And maybe you're right. But if you're not, do you really want to carry around an STD?

2) Pregnancy. Again. I know. Condoms and birth control and pulling out and what not (I told you this was going to get down and dirty). Nothing besides abstinence is 100% effective. (And I have a shirt with the Virgin Mary and baby Jesus on it that says abstinence itself is only 99.9% effective :-) )

3) ok. So those are the medical, maybe they could happen, maybe they won't situations. Let's talk emotions here. I know you're in love. I get it. But what if it doesn't work out?  Your 17 or 19 or 25 or 36 and you can't imagine loving anyone more than you love him or her right. Now. But people change. When I was dating my ex (we'll call him Luke) we obviously abstained from sex. I had that awkward conversation with him early on (I think before our first kiss) that I was waiting until marriage. I think it was probably surprising to some people that we weren't having sex. We didn't date that long in the grand scheme of things, only about 8 months, but we had been talking for almost a year total and the break up was devastating to me. One of my family members told me that if we had had sex the heart break would have been so much worse. And let me tell you. I physically felt my heart hurt as the discussions we had had about sitting on a porch swing together in old age came crashing down around me. Is it Langston Hughes that asks what happens to a dream deferred?  Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun?  So I'd say reason number 3, and perhaps the biggest motivator for me of these is that with sex added in, heart ache is going to be that much more painful.

4) boys, gender stereotypes, etc. Imagine this. Finally after crushing on (are the kids still saying that?)  Johnny finally sends you a text. You talk, he seems to like you and after awhile he asks for a pic 😉  You know what I mean. Well. You loooooove Johnny, right?  And he said if you're his girlfriend that you'll send him a pic because otherwise he'll just date someone else who WILL send him a pic 😉  This part of the story actually happened to a friend of mine. Dating a guy, thought they were in love and he completely manipulated her into sending provocative pictures of herself.

First of all, no. No. No. No. No. Let me tell you first, run girl, run. Maybe another girl would send him those pics and good for them but the love of your life will not manipulate you into doing something you don't want to do. Also, not really good for them. Bad for them.

Here's why. Imagine he's not the love of your life. Also, what is Johnny doing with these pictures?  Using them to get friendly with his little friend if you know what I mean. Do you really want to be some guy's object like that?

And say he's not the man of your dreams (spoiler alert. He's not if he's asking you for pics). So you break up because your older friend has talked some sense into you. Those pictures don't just go away. It's super easy for him to send them to friends who can then also "get friendly" with them. And then they can just be sent around all over school.

I still remember some things i heard about girls when I was in high school, before all this technology existed. It's horrible. I doubt these things are true, and even if they were, they were definitely none of my business, but when I see these girls on Facebook I still remember those things I heard

Sadly, it seems that when girls sleep around they're sluts, when guys sleep around they're MEN. But regardless, do you really want your pics, your stories, passed around and fabricated?

So to sum up my answer-  TL;dr as the kids are saying-
Reasons to wait until marriage to have sex-

The Bible tells me so
Disease
Pregnancy
Heartbreak
Reputation

Until next time!  This is your very own Olive Oil (extra virgin, that is) over and out!