In saying my prayers tonight, I had a huge revelation.
I often pray for my loved ones who are not Christians, "please let them come to know You before it's too late."
Honestly, I don't even know what that would look like for some of them. It seems so far from the inborn personalities that they've had as long as I've known them. But I remember that God's vision is bigger and their personalities would not necessarily have to change.
But tonight God showed me the JOY that these non Christian loved ones are missing out on. Forget the fear of them spending eternity from God and me not seeing them again. There is so much theological debate in my mind for what that actually means. That would be terrible. My worst nightmare. But they're missing out on joy NOW!
Matthew 20:1-16 tells a parable about workers. Those who work all day get paid the same as those who work for an hour at the end of the day. The metaphor is clear: those who spend their whole lives serving God and those who come to belief in the last moments of their lives receive the same reward. Well, they receive the same eternal reward. But they miss out on working for their master for their whole lives. They miss the joy in the trials. I want that for my loved ones, too.
So tonight, instead of praying only "that they will come to know You before it's too late", I pray that "they will come to know the JOY that comes from knowing You here on earth."
Tuesday, June 6, 2017
Tuesday, April 25, 2017
YOLO?
Are the kids even saying this anymore? For those who are either too young or too old or too whatever to know what that means, YOLO- You Omly Live Once. It's a call to go out and live life to to fullest because, you know, You Only Live Once.
I'm thinking tonight about reincarnation.
I've recently reconnected with an old friend and we've been texting back and forth, comparing memories and catching up on life. She and I were 2/3 of a group of the nearest friends ever when we were in 7th grade.
In 7th grade, I was just beginning to rediscover my faith. I grew up in the United Methodist Faith but stopped going to church at some point in elementary school. The summer before 7th grade, I went to Vacation Bible School and then started going to youth group since that was starting up shortly after and I was finally old enough to join.
This led to my baptism and confirmation the following Spring which is when I tell my Baptist friends that I got saved. :-). It is the first time I publicly confessed my faith and believed it; "Believed in my heart and confessed with my mouth", as Romans says.
Things weren't fantastic in my life at the time. My parents were heading towards their separation and divorce and I was an awkward 13 year old, after all.
So I was (and still am) "working out my salvation with fear and trembling" when I befriended these girls. We'll call them Ellie and Sarah. Ellie is the friend I've just reconnected with.
I remember sleepovers with the three of us and jumping on Ellie's trampoline, watching a VHS of Alladin and eating Ellie's mom's delicious chicken and rice.
I remember one time, Ellie's mom commenting that we all had something in common that made our friendship especially strong. I wasn't sure what that was, until her mom said that thing was our shared faith.
This seemed strange to me at the time. Ellie's family went to the First Baptist Church. They were like über Christian. Sarah... Well I believe her dad was a preacher of what turned out later to be a cult. Yep. I visited her church once. It was small and her parents were pretty strict (and I was a little afraid of the dad). Before high school, Sarah's family moved to a different state because the church was gathering all their small churches to make one big church.
So Ellie and I reconnected after not taking or hearing news of each other in probably about 16 years.
But one memory I have of Ellie is of a trip I took with her and her parents down to Florida to visit her grandparents. We were in the bedroom with the tv on. I think it was a car commercial and the announcer said, "do you believe in reincarnation?" I answered without much thought, "yes".
Consider your audience.
Ellie told me that Christians don't believe in reincarnation. (I didn't realize that they had to be mutually exclusive). And Ellie's mom appeased any further discussion by agreeing that nobody really knows.
So as I grew (in age and faith) I discovered that there's really nothing in the Bible that would lead me to believe that reincarnation is something I could believe as a Christian.
In college when I was home for the summer, I joined a Sunday school class that was studying the book of Hebrews. (Moment of truth- that book scares me). I remember the teacher talking about the verse in Hebrews 9:27, "And as it is appointed unto man once to die, but after that the judgement" and how this verse is an argument against reincarnation.
Did you know that Scientologists believe in reincarnation? They believe that any wrong doing in this life or previous lives can hold you back from "going clear". A state they try to reach by a mixture of therapy and a lie detector test by revisiting repressed and unrepressed past trauma and obstacles in this life and in previous lives. The hard core Scientologists (the Sea Organization) sign a BILLION year contract when they join, committing themselves for this life and all future lives for the next billion years.
In thinking about reincarnation tonight I found this article Here. Oddly enough, about an event that happened in Fairfax county!
Because as I get older, I do like the idea of a "do over". I'd like to go back and be young again, but knowing the things I know now. But that's the thing about reincarnation. You never are aware of any past lives so you just start again, thinking that You Only Live Once.
Although there's no room in my Christian theology for reincarnation... Well, actually, there is room. Not a lot, but a little. I know that God's got it under control and if He chooses to do things that way, then that's because that's what's best. But if You Only Live Once, then that's the best, too.
I think it's appealing to a lot of people on a psychological level to believe that they get another chance. 75-100 years (if we're lucky) starts to look like too short of a time to get everything accomplished. I will not be able to try every occupation I'd like to in the rest of my time on earth. I'm running out of time to have my own biological baby and I'd like another shot.
But what it always comes back to is that God's ways are perfect and He knows what's best for me.
Sunday, March 19, 2017
I haven't been up for offering advice much lately.
I've got some life changes happening soon. Ok, really just one, I'm moving (again), but it is consuming so much of my mental energy.
And I'm feeling discouraged that I don't have swarms of people willing to give up everything in their lives to come help me.
Which, I mean, I really should expect that, right?
I guess it's just also sometimes good for you to know that I struggle, too.
In the meantime, I've been doing some reading.
I started with the book, Growing Up Dugger which I didn't finish.
Then I started to read Tattoos on the Heart by Jesuit Priest Gregory Boyle. It's really good, but warning that there is some bad language in it. The author lives and serves among the gangs in Los Angeles and his stories are amazing. I'm starting a hook club with my church (but all are welcome!) to read it together.
In the middle of reading that I read the book "Locked In" about a guy who was in a cult like church close to my hometown. I love reading memoirs of cults.
So that's what happening in my life right now. Pray for me and please let me know what you want me to talk about!
I've got some life changes happening soon. Ok, really just one, I'm moving (again), but it is consuming so much of my mental energy.
And I'm feeling discouraged that I don't have swarms of people willing to give up everything in their lives to come help me.
Which, I mean, I really should expect that, right?
I guess it's just also sometimes good for you to know that I struggle, too.
In the meantime, I've been doing some reading.
I started with the book, Growing Up Dugger which I didn't finish.
Then I started to read Tattoos on the Heart by Jesuit Priest Gregory Boyle. It's really good, but warning that there is some bad language in it. The author lives and serves among the gangs in Los Angeles and his stories are amazing. I'm starting a hook club with my church (but all are welcome!) to read it together.
In the middle of reading that I read the book "Locked In" about a guy who was in a cult like church close to my hometown. I love reading memoirs of cults.
So that's what happening in my life right now. Pray for me and please let me know what you want me to talk about!
Friday, March 3, 2017
Loneliness
One of my young friends suggested I address loneliness, so here are my thoughts.
I am no expert at combatting loneliness, but I'm happy to share my experiences and give you any tips that have helped me.
In 1999, I moved from western NC six hours away to middle/Eastern NC for college. I went to a small Methodist school and besides the people I had met the previous summer at orientation and in my scholarship singing group, I knew no one.
I think in this situation, following the advice I had heard somewhere to get involved helped. I think college students who are away from home and just go to class and spend the rest of their time in their residence hall are setting themselves up for failure. When you're in school, in your hometown, friends are often just there, and sometimes you've had the same friends since you were a kid, but college might be the first time that you have to be intentional about finding friends.
I was involved in the scholarship singing group which gave me a group of 11 other people that I spent a lot of time with. I was required to be in choir and at a small school, you just start meeting people. I went to the first students activity party my freshman year. Ok. Embarrassing story time. I went with my roommate who was from Albania. She had finished high school as an exchange student in America and was now attending college. This first party (though there were other mixers) was a pajama party and boy was I ready! I arrived wearing my handmade butterfly print pajama pants (I used to be able to sew a mean pajama pant) and a baby t with a butterfly on it (give me a break, I was skinnier and this was the 90s). Well, they were having a pajama contest! You could walk on the stage, show off your pajamas and I guess the person with the best pajamas won a prize. I happily signed up.
But I was a small town girl (living in a lonely world) and this was not the innocent "Christian college" fun I was expecting. As the girls got called up they were Strutting. Their. Stuff. They were dancing in a way that I wasn't comfortable with and I knew I would be embarrassed if I just stood up there and walked around in my (what now seemed like juvenile) butterfly pajamas. I quickly backed out of the contest and ranted to my roommate "I'm blah blah blah in the Methodist church and if they knew this was going on..."
Anyway, I did get involved in other activities in college. I quickly joined just about every Christian organization I could. Fellowship of Christian Athletes on Tuesday, Deeper Life Ministries on Wednesday (which at the time was a group comprised mostly of football players), I think I even did a Disciple Bible Study that year and went to Wednesday chapels. Throughout college I also participated in the Gospel choir when that started (at one point I think I was the only Caucasian in the choir) and girls' bible study.
College was truly some of the best years of my life and being intentional about building a community resulted in some amazing friendships.
In 2005, I accepted a job in northern Virginia and again I found myself in a place where I knew almost no one. I had imagined adulthood as being almost like college. I would befriend my new community, become friends with the people in the neighboring apartments and I would quickly have a group of like minded friends in their mid 20s. But that didn't happen either. Honestly, it took me probably about 2 1/2 years here before I actually started to feel like I had a community. This finally happened once I found roommates I could be friends with, got involved in community theater, and started dating "Luke". I was lamenting to my sister once about one of the guys on The Bachelorette, and when would I find MY... Whatever his name was. And she responded, "well, he's not going to walk into your room."
All of this to say, here's what's been helpful for me when dealing with loneliness-
Be intentional about reaching out. If you find yourself in a place where you don't have friends (yet) or if you're just feeling left out because everyone else is off with someone else, seek out those who are in the same boat. Send me a text! This post is already too long to go into details but there was a time four years ago when I couldn't drive and weekends were the worst. I spent a lot of time biking to the movies. In the last year, I have been known to go to the movies with people half my age. I reach out to a large group to see who wants to go and if people don't want to, they won't come. I figure there's no harm in asking!
Don't be afraid to ask for help. When I found myself jobless in 2009 I learned how to humble myself and ask for help. Again, people who are worthy of being a good friend will help you when you're at your lowest. Just make sure that they feel appreciated and that they're not the one who is always helping YOU. If you can, take them out for dinner in appreciation and/or make sure that the next time they need help, you do your best to help them. I believe that true friends should help each other unbegrudgingly, and if they're not willing to do that, it may be time to find new friends
Get active! It's hard to feel sorry for yourself when you're doing something for someone else. Learn a new skill, write a song, draw a picture, make a gift for a friend, write a letter. As I say when I talk about Single Life, look for ways to show God's love to others. Visit old women in the nursing home. THEY know what loneliness is like!
Finally, and most importantly, remember that you're never truly alone. As someone once told me (or I read somewhere or something), "you plus God equals the majority". It has helped me in a few scary situations. :-). Remember that God is always with you.
I am no expert at combatting loneliness, but I'm happy to share my experiences and give you any tips that have helped me.
In 1999, I moved from western NC six hours away to middle/Eastern NC for college. I went to a small Methodist school and besides the people I had met the previous summer at orientation and in my scholarship singing group, I knew no one.
I think in this situation, following the advice I had heard somewhere to get involved helped. I think college students who are away from home and just go to class and spend the rest of their time in their residence hall are setting themselves up for failure. When you're in school, in your hometown, friends are often just there, and sometimes you've had the same friends since you were a kid, but college might be the first time that you have to be intentional about finding friends.
I was involved in the scholarship singing group which gave me a group of 11 other people that I spent a lot of time with. I was required to be in choir and at a small school, you just start meeting people. I went to the first students activity party my freshman year. Ok. Embarrassing story time. I went with my roommate who was from Albania. She had finished high school as an exchange student in America and was now attending college. This first party (though there were other mixers) was a pajama party and boy was I ready! I arrived wearing my handmade butterfly print pajama pants (I used to be able to sew a mean pajama pant) and a baby t with a butterfly on it (give me a break, I was skinnier and this was the 90s). Well, they were having a pajama contest! You could walk on the stage, show off your pajamas and I guess the person with the best pajamas won a prize. I happily signed up.
But I was a small town girl (living in a lonely world) and this was not the innocent "Christian college" fun I was expecting. As the girls got called up they were Strutting. Their. Stuff. They were dancing in a way that I wasn't comfortable with and I knew I would be embarrassed if I just stood up there and walked around in my (what now seemed like juvenile) butterfly pajamas. I quickly backed out of the contest and ranted to my roommate "I'm blah blah blah in the Methodist church and if they knew this was going on..."
Anyway, I did get involved in other activities in college. I quickly joined just about every Christian organization I could. Fellowship of Christian Athletes on Tuesday, Deeper Life Ministries on Wednesday (which at the time was a group comprised mostly of football players), I think I even did a Disciple Bible Study that year and went to Wednesday chapels. Throughout college I also participated in the Gospel choir when that started (at one point I think I was the only Caucasian in the choir) and girls' bible study.
College was truly some of the best years of my life and being intentional about building a community resulted in some amazing friendships.
In 2005, I accepted a job in northern Virginia and again I found myself in a place where I knew almost no one. I had imagined adulthood as being almost like college. I would befriend my new community, become friends with the people in the neighboring apartments and I would quickly have a group of like minded friends in their mid 20s. But that didn't happen either. Honestly, it took me probably about 2 1/2 years here before I actually started to feel like I had a community. This finally happened once I found roommates I could be friends with, got involved in community theater, and started dating "Luke". I was lamenting to my sister once about one of the guys on The Bachelorette, and when would I find MY... Whatever his name was. And she responded, "well, he's not going to walk into your room."
All of this to say, here's what's been helpful for me when dealing with loneliness-
Be intentional about reaching out. If you find yourself in a place where you don't have friends (yet) or if you're just feeling left out because everyone else is off with someone else, seek out those who are in the same boat. Send me a text! This post is already too long to go into details but there was a time four years ago when I couldn't drive and weekends were the worst. I spent a lot of time biking to the movies. In the last year, I have been known to go to the movies with people half my age. I reach out to a large group to see who wants to go and if people don't want to, they won't come. I figure there's no harm in asking!
Don't be afraid to ask for help. When I found myself jobless in 2009 I learned how to humble myself and ask for help. Again, people who are worthy of being a good friend will help you when you're at your lowest. Just make sure that they feel appreciated and that they're not the one who is always helping YOU. If you can, take them out for dinner in appreciation and/or make sure that the next time they need help, you do your best to help them. I believe that true friends should help each other unbegrudgingly, and if they're not willing to do that, it may be time to find new friends
Get active! It's hard to feel sorry for yourself when you're doing something for someone else. Learn a new skill, write a song, draw a picture, make a gift for a friend, write a letter. As I say when I talk about Single Life, look for ways to show God's love to others. Visit old women in the nursing home. THEY know what loneliness is like!
Finally, and most importantly, remember that you're never truly alone. As someone once told me (or I read somewhere or something), "you plus God equals the majority". It has helped me in a few scary situations. :-). Remember that God is always with you.
Monday, February 27, 2017
A Spouse is NOT a Gift
I'm sure you've heard some older married couple talk about how their husband or wife is such a gift from God. And I believe that's true (though admittedly, it makes me a little jealous).
I think the more accurate title of this post would be A Spouse is Not a
Reward. But that wouldn't get your attention as much would it?
When I was a teenager, I didn't date. Not until my freshman year of college.
It wasn't for lack of trying. In 6th grade, I asked David to "go out" with me, and when he said "no", I asked Wes to go out with me the same day. Of course _I_ didn't ask them out but I had a friend ask them out or passed them a note or something. Wes's response was that we could be friends, sort of. Aha! Not a no! "More than friends or less then friends?" I asked. He replied less than friends. Well don't think that stopped me from getting him a drawing pad and some other special gifts for Valentine's Day (one of my love languages has always been gift giving). The bonus? Years later, his memory was that we HAD dated. That boy could play piano AND draw. I wonder what he's up to now?
In high school I went to the same Christian retreat that I know a lot of you from, and my desire for a boyfriend didn't lesson. My mom had ingrained in me that I was too young to date, and my parents had separated shortly before I turned 14, but i just wanted someone to slow dance with. Someone's hand to hold.
I had my crushes in middle school and high school. Just the name of one still sets my heart a flutter. :-)
And I was meeting boys at this Christian retreat. Good Christian boys who would make good husbands. And dang it! I would make a good wife! I was strong in my faith, caring, had love to spare, and was a good Christian girl.
I came to believe a lie. I believed that God was preparing me for my perfect mate and that meanwhile He was preparing him for me. I started writing letters to my future husband and even drew him a picture (I told myself I wouldn't look at that picture again until I gave it to my husband on our honeymoon night. And I haven't. They're all in a box in storage somewhere. Just a few notes. Nothing too extravagant). I started praying for my husband, wondering what he was doing at right that moment.
But here's the thing. If I have to wait until God has made me "holy" enough for a Christian marriage, then I've been waiting almost 20 years now. Am I really THAT hard to mold into a good enough wife?
Not only that, but believing that I wasn't good enough to get married yet subconsciously wreaked havoc on my self esteem. I believed for almost 15 years that all these girls around me who were getting married had reached some "next level" of holiness, and basically a husband was God's bonus prize.
It is freeing to know that I just haven't met the one yet. Maybe God has a lot of work to do on him ;-). And dang it, I believe there's a need for single Christian women, too. If I were married, my entire life would be different. The world needs single women to dog sit and nanny and mentor teenagers and be transparent and honest. Right?
I think the more accurate title of this post would be A Spouse is Not a
Reward. But that wouldn't get your attention as much would it?
When I was a teenager, I didn't date. Not until my freshman year of college.
It wasn't for lack of trying. In 6th grade, I asked David to "go out" with me, and when he said "no", I asked Wes to go out with me the same day. Of course _I_ didn't ask them out but I had a friend ask them out or passed them a note or something. Wes's response was that we could be friends, sort of. Aha! Not a no! "More than friends or less then friends?" I asked. He replied less than friends. Well don't think that stopped me from getting him a drawing pad and some other special gifts for Valentine's Day (one of my love languages has always been gift giving). The bonus? Years later, his memory was that we HAD dated. That boy could play piano AND draw. I wonder what he's up to now?
In high school I went to the same Christian retreat that I know a lot of you from, and my desire for a boyfriend didn't lesson. My mom had ingrained in me that I was too young to date, and my parents had separated shortly before I turned 14, but i just wanted someone to slow dance with. Someone's hand to hold.
I had my crushes in middle school and high school. Just the name of one still sets my heart a flutter. :-)
And I was meeting boys at this Christian retreat. Good Christian boys who would make good husbands. And dang it! I would make a good wife! I was strong in my faith, caring, had love to spare, and was a good Christian girl.
I came to believe a lie. I believed that God was preparing me for my perfect mate and that meanwhile He was preparing him for me. I started writing letters to my future husband and even drew him a picture (I told myself I wouldn't look at that picture again until I gave it to my husband on our honeymoon night. And I haven't. They're all in a box in storage somewhere. Just a few notes. Nothing too extravagant). I started praying for my husband, wondering what he was doing at right that moment.
But here's the thing. If I have to wait until God has made me "holy" enough for a Christian marriage, then I've been waiting almost 20 years now. Am I really THAT hard to mold into a good enough wife?
Not only that, but believing that I wasn't good enough to get married yet subconsciously wreaked havoc on my self esteem. I believed for almost 15 years that all these girls around me who were getting married had reached some "next level" of holiness, and basically a husband was God's bonus prize.
It is freeing to know that I just haven't met the one yet. Maybe God has a lot of work to do on him ;-). And dang it, I believe there's a need for single Christian women, too. If I were married, my entire life would be different. The world needs single women to dog sit and nanny and mentor teenagers and be transparent and honest. Right?
Wednesday, February 22, 2017
Will you know my name if I see you in heaven?
Disclaimer- these thoughts are my own and not necessarily those of any organization I'm involved with.
For you young folks, the title of this post is lyrics from an old song. Tonight I started thinking about Heaven. And I'm gonna be honest with you because God already knows how I feel, I don't really understand it.
And forget that eternity is for. Ev. Er. That thought just freaks me out. But like, say by God's grace I get to go there. What will I DO? Is it really singing praises to God all day? I love God, but I don't connect best with Him through worship music. Won't I get bored? (God forgive me!)
Will I be able to like watch my life over and over again as many times as I want to? Is that selfish? There's so much I don't remember. Can I watch what's going on on earth? Does my desire to do anything outside of worship God while I'm there mean I'm not ready for Heaven?
I need to reread C.S. Lewis's book, The Great Divorce. It's a great book about the afterlife.
All I'm left with, all I'm ever left with at the end of these great, spiraling thoughts is that I have to trust God. I remember one summer, when I was home from college, lying in my bed and really getting worked up by thoughts like these. And the conclusion I came to is that I trust God every day to keep the universe from spiraling out of control-to keep the earth on its axis. So if God made it all, and keeps it all running and made it and said it's "good", then surely I can trust Him with eternity, right? Lord, make me desire Heaven!
God's got it all planned for our good and beyond the best we can imagine. And maybe when I get there, my old sinful self will disappear and my only desire will be for exactly what's there. God's got this one.
For you young folks, the title of this post is lyrics from an old song. Tonight I started thinking about Heaven. And I'm gonna be honest with you because God already knows how I feel, I don't really understand it.
And forget that eternity is for. Ev. Er. That thought just freaks me out. But like, say by God's grace I get to go there. What will I DO? Is it really singing praises to God all day? I love God, but I don't connect best with Him through worship music. Won't I get bored? (God forgive me!)
Will I be able to like watch my life over and over again as many times as I want to? Is that selfish? There's so much I don't remember. Can I watch what's going on on earth? Does my desire to do anything outside of worship God while I'm there mean I'm not ready for Heaven?
I need to reread C.S. Lewis's book, The Great Divorce. It's a great book about the afterlife.
All I'm left with, all I'm ever left with at the end of these great, spiraling thoughts is that I have to trust God. I remember one summer, when I was home from college, lying in my bed and really getting worked up by thoughts like these. And the conclusion I came to is that I trust God every day to keep the universe from spiraling out of control-to keep the earth on its axis. So if God made it all, and keeps it all running and made it and said it's "good", then surely I can trust Him with eternity, right? Lord, make me desire Heaven!
God's got it all planned for our good and beyond the best we can imagine. And maybe when I get there, my old sinful self will disappear and my only desire will be for exactly what's there. God's got this one.
Monday, February 20, 2017
Wait for it...
Hey guys! I've got a great question to start off my "ask me anything" portion of my blog. It's an anonymous question and comes from a young friend of mine-
"What are some good reasons (besides the Bible says not to lol) to wait until marriage?"
I'm assuming my friend is asking about sex here and not anything else you might have to wait until marriage for. A joint bank account? A mortgage? No, you don't have to wait until marriage for that... If I have to wait until marriage for much, then I'm in real trouble, because that seems like it's a long time away.
Anyway, I'm glad that this friend is asking about sex, because that's one of my favorite topics. Actually abstinence is one of my favorite topics but it doesn't get your attention like sex, does it?
I guess to start my answer, you should know that I am one of the last living, breathing, 36 year old virgins on the planet. I know, I know. I'll be giving out autographs later ;-)
For me, sex before marriage was never an option, and not even because I was raised in a super Christian conservative home (I wasn't).
I guess it's by God's grace that it just never occurred to me that sex was something I should do as a teenager. I got serious about my faith right after I turned 16, so that ingrained in me pretty early on that I should wait, and I also was just born with a very strong sense of right and wrong, and it's legalistic brother, Fear of Doing Something Wrong (in the words of TV's OCD detective Monk, it's a blessing and a curse).
Well, I hate to admit it, but it's been 16 years now since I've even been a teenager. And still, no sex.
Why? Ok, we're about to get down and dirty here. Keep reading if you dare. You've been warned.
Besides the obvious that my friend pointed out, I think there are plenty of good reasons to wait.
1) Disease. Yep. STDs. I know there are condoms and maybe you're both virgins because Johnny looooooves you and he would never lie to you. And maybe you're right. But if you're not, do you really want to carry around an STD?
2) Pregnancy. Again. I know. Condoms and birth control and pulling out and what not (I told you this was going to get down and dirty). Nothing besides abstinence is 100% effective. (And I have a shirt with the Virgin Mary and baby Jesus on it that says abstinence itself is only 99.9% effective :-) )
3) ok. So those are the medical, maybe they could happen, maybe they won't situations. Let's talk emotions here. I know you're in love. I get it. But what if it doesn't work out? Your 17 or 19 or 25 or 36 and you can't imagine loving anyone more than you love him or her right. Now. But people change. When I was dating my ex (we'll call him Luke) we obviously abstained from sex. I had that awkward conversation with him early on (I think before our first kiss) that I was waiting until marriage. I think it was probably surprising to some people that we weren't having sex. We didn't date that long in the grand scheme of things, only about 8 months, but we had been talking for almost a year total and the break up was devastating to me. One of my family members told me that if we had had sex the heart break would have been so much worse. And let me tell you. I physically felt my heart hurt as the discussions we had had about sitting on a porch swing together in old age came crashing down around me. Is it Langston Hughes that asks what happens to a dream deferred? Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun? So I'd say reason number 3, and perhaps the biggest motivator for me of these is that with sex added in, heart ache is going to be that much more painful.
4) boys, gender stereotypes, etc. Imagine this. Finally after crushing on (are the kids still saying that?) Johnny finally sends you a text. You talk, he seems to like you and after awhile he asks for a pic 😉 You know what I mean. Well. You loooooove Johnny, right? And he said if you're his girlfriend that you'll send him a pic because otherwise he'll just date someone else who WILL send him a pic 😉 This part of the story actually happened to a friend of mine. Dating a guy, thought they were in love and he completely manipulated her into sending provocative pictures of herself.
First of all, no. No. No. No. No. Let me tell you first, run girl, run. Maybe another girl would send him those pics and good for them but the love of your life will not manipulate you into doing something you don't want to do. Also, not really good for them. Bad for them.
Here's why. Imagine he's not the love of your life. Also, what is Johnny doing with these pictures? Using them to get friendly with his little friend if you know what I mean. Do you really want to be some guy's object like that?
And say he's not the man of your dreams (spoiler alert. He's not if he's asking you for pics). So you break up because your older friend has talked some sense into you. Those pictures don't just go away. It's super easy for him to send them to friends who can then also "get friendly" with them. And then they can just be sent around all over school.
I still remember some things i heard about girls when I was in high school, before all this technology existed. It's horrible. I doubt these things are true, and even if they were, they were definitely none of my business, but when I see these girls on Facebook I still remember those things I heard
Sadly, it seems that when girls sleep around they're sluts, when guys sleep around they're MEN. But regardless, do you really want your pics, your stories, passed around and fabricated?
So to sum up my answer- TL;dr as the kids are saying-
Reasons to wait until marriage to have sex-
The Bible tells me so
Disease
Pregnancy
Heartbreak
Reputation
Until next time! This is your very own Olive Oil (extra virgin, that is) over and out!
"What are some good reasons (besides the Bible says not to lol) to wait until marriage?"
I'm assuming my friend is asking about sex here and not anything else you might have to wait until marriage for. A joint bank account? A mortgage? No, you don't have to wait until marriage for that... If I have to wait until marriage for much, then I'm in real trouble, because that seems like it's a long time away.
Anyway, I'm glad that this friend is asking about sex, because that's one of my favorite topics. Actually abstinence is one of my favorite topics but it doesn't get your attention like sex, does it?
I guess to start my answer, you should know that I am one of the last living, breathing, 36 year old virgins on the planet. I know, I know. I'll be giving out autographs later ;-)
For me, sex before marriage was never an option, and not even because I was raised in a super Christian conservative home (I wasn't).
I guess it's by God's grace that it just never occurred to me that sex was something I should do as a teenager. I got serious about my faith right after I turned 16, so that ingrained in me pretty early on that I should wait, and I also was just born with a very strong sense of right and wrong, and it's legalistic brother, Fear of Doing Something Wrong (in the words of TV's OCD detective Monk, it's a blessing and a curse).
Well, I hate to admit it, but it's been 16 years now since I've even been a teenager. And still, no sex.
Why? Ok, we're about to get down and dirty here. Keep reading if you dare. You've been warned.
Besides the obvious that my friend pointed out, I think there are plenty of good reasons to wait.
1) Disease. Yep. STDs. I know there are condoms and maybe you're both virgins because Johnny looooooves you and he would never lie to you. And maybe you're right. But if you're not, do you really want to carry around an STD?
2) Pregnancy. Again. I know. Condoms and birth control and pulling out and what not (I told you this was going to get down and dirty). Nothing besides abstinence is 100% effective. (And I have a shirt with the Virgin Mary and baby Jesus on it that says abstinence itself is only 99.9% effective :-) )
3) ok. So those are the medical, maybe they could happen, maybe they won't situations. Let's talk emotions here. I know you're in love. I get it. But what if it doesn't work out? Your 17 or 19 or 25 or 36 and you can't imagine loving anyone more than you love him or her right. Now. But people change. When I was dating my ex (we'll call him Luke) we obviously abstained from sex. I had that awkward conversation with him early on (I think before our first kiss) that I was waiting until marriage. I think it was probably surprising to some people that we weren't having sex. We didn't date that long in the grand scheme of things, only about 8 months, but we had been talking for almost a year total and the break up was devastating to me. One of my family members told me that if we had had sex the heart break would have been so much worse. And let me tell you. I physically felt my heart hurt as the discussions we had had about sitting on a porch swing together in old age came crashing down around me. Is it Langston Hughes that asks what happens to a dream deferred? Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun? So I'd say reason number 3, and perhaps the biggest motivator for me of these is that with sex added in, heart ache is going to be that much more painful.
4) boys, gender stereotypes, etc. Imagine this. Finally after crushing on (are the kids still saying that?) Johnny finally sends you a text. You talk, he seems to like you and after awhile he asks for a pic 😉 You know what I mean. Well. You loooooove Johnny, right? And he said if you're his girlfriend that you'll send him a pic because otherwise he'll just date someone else who WILL send him a pic 😉 This part of the story actually happened to a friend of mine. Dating a guy, thought they were in love and he completely manipulated her into sending provocative pictures of herself.
First of all, no. No. No. No. No. Let me tell you first, run girl, run. Maybe another girl would send him those pics and good for them but the love of your life will not manipulate you into doing something you don't want to do. Also, not really good for them. Bad for them.
Here's why. Imagine he's not the love of your life. Also, what is Johnny doing with these pictures? Using them to get friendly with his little friend if you know what I mean. Do you really want to be some guy's object like that?
And say he's not the man of your dreams (spoiler alert. He's not if he's asking you for pics). So you break up because your older friend has talked some sense into you. Those pictures don't just go away. It's super easy for him to send them to friends who can then also "get friendly" with them. And then they can just be sent around all over school.
I still remember some things i heard about girls when I was in high school, before all this technology existed. It's horrible. I doubt these things are true, and even if they were, they were definitely none of my business, but when I see these girls on Facebook I still remember those things I heard
Sadly, it seems that when girls sleep around they're sluts, when guys sleep around they're MEN. But regardless, do you really want your pics, your stories, passed around and fabricated?
So to sum up my answer- TL;dr as the kids are saying-
Reasons to wait until marriage to have sex-
The Bible tells me so
Disease
Pregnancy
Heartbreak
Reputation
Until next time! This is your very own Olive Oil (extra virgin, that is) over and out!
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